Wow, Where has the time gone?

Wow! I can't believe it's been a year since I posted on here! Time has flown by!

I'm going to try and start blogging more often (yes, I know I say this often!), but since I am supposed to blog every day (or at least try to) for my student teaching this semester, I'm going to try and blog on here as well, just maybe not every day!

Hope my "followers" are well - I'm a lousy blogger most of the time, but never too busy for friends!

God is good -- life is good -- things are changing...change isn't bad..it's just change :)

Where did the Summer Go?

Where did the summer go? I certainly don't feel like I've even had a summer! I feel like I've just stayed on the go, haven't slowed down, and I haven't accomplished crap. Yeah that pretty much covers it...

As far as updates go...

School -- I'm still in summer school until the end of August. I also have until the end of August to finish up work on my two incomplete classes and my one summer class..I'm coming along, just slowly...Hopefully my grades pop back up to honors range and all will be well with that. I'm also going to TRY and student teach this Spring. Meaning I'd have to go to summer school to finish some theory classes, but I would graduate in the summer and have my full teaching certificate for the 2010-2011 school year.

Job -- yeah, I still don't have one. period. I'm not happy, I'm rather miffed about it all. Oh well, not much I can do, except what I've been doing - putting in resume after resume and hoping someone will call. I'm willing to take crap employment until I find something else, but I can't seem to do that either. argh......

House situation -- well this has improved somewhat...My mom kicked my cousin and his pot addiction out of the house for good. This has been a tremendous improvement overall in the household. There are fewer arguments (as in I think we've had 1 in the past 3 weeks). Things are actually getting done around the house, and the stress level has greatly decreased. All of this is good news. On the flip side, however, we're still looking for a place of our own. It's kinda old living with your mother/mother in law. We have very little privacy, constant interuptions (when I'm occupied with school work and other activities ;) ), and constant questions about where we're going and what we're doing...It gets old. Hopefully we'll be able to do something this fall, before the housing rebate goes bye bye..

Nathan's job -- not so hot. He got let go from LexMark b/c they chose not to renew his contract that was up July 6. In the mean time, he's gone back to Pizza Hut, until he can find an IT/Computer job. It's not awesome, but I'm grateful for it, nonetheless.

We did manage to make it to Kings Island this summer (week ago Wednesday) and had a blast! Took the munchkin and my cousin's child (never again on him) and had fun. My cousin's son was a total brat all day long. He wouldn't stop asking the same questions over and over and over again. Nathan kept asking for duct tape! haha! Munchkin was going nuts, but she managed.

No news on the baby front. No baby on the way, but no time really to try for baby either. Reality is that we aren't stable enough (read: no place of our own, me not working) to really have a baby right now anyway. God is totally in control, and I know that. It's just REALLY hard to accept when all our church friends are having kids, cousins have kids, etc and we're not. We keep getting asked, and I keep coming up with creative answers, but to be honest, it's getting really really old. For the moment, I have the munchkin (who, thankfully, is a great! distraction!), although she keeps wanting to know when we're going to have one! But I can usually distract her attention to something else, so that's a blessing. I'm looking forward to losing some weight, and getting back in to see my IF specialist -- I'm ready to get this show on the road :)

Camp was AWESOME! I can't put into words how awesome it was, but it was a great week. So much came out of camp, and while we didn't have any to make decisions (they had all made decisions prior to camp), it was great for our kids, and even more so, great for Nathan and I. I'm so blessed to have gone, and I totally stand by my opinions from the spring - I gave it to God, and God gave it back to me. He was waiting for me to hand over my desire to go, and I became obedient - upon doing so, he rewarded my obedience with what I desired. All was good :) A great time was had by all, and I'm so thankful :)

Yep yep, so I guess that's really all...I have another post to make, but will probably save it for tomorrow, as I do need to work on my homework just a bit. I need to get everything done so that all I have left is my thesis for next week. That's my goal - I'm already partially there - I just have my chapter summaries and 2 papers to write (although my papers can be the same 1 paper, since it's going to two different teachers). Then all I have left is my final exam for my one class and my thesis. Yep that's my goal -- by Sunday to have everything but my final exam and my thesis done, so that next week I can work my behind off on my thesis. Good goal to have...now I just need to achieve it :)

I'll be back tomorrow or Wednesday with a post about some of the blogger drama...If you've come to my blog from , I'll have my take on it soon enough...This is simply an update post for my friends and followers, since I've been out of the blog loop for about 6 weeks!

No prayer requests at the moment, unless you count the job situation. I'm also going to blog about something I've been led to do, but it's still a couple of years off :), but that's for another day and another post :)

Blessings :)

~Melissa :)

I promise....

To get this blog updated sometime today! I know this is short and sweet, but I'm going to get a REAL post up soon, with lots of stuff!

later

~melissa~

What to do...

Well, we're somewhat at a crossroads, and then again, somewhat not....

I think I mentioned previously that we found a house that we're interested in. I'm a bit concerned that it's not really big enough for us, square footage wise (we've got lots of "stuff", including furniture, electronics, etc) to be there more than a year or so. If we were to purchase, we'd have to stay there 3 years in order to not have to pay back the tax rebate for the $8k. I'm not sure that we'll be able to stay that long, in terms of space. Specially if a baby comes along, we're totally out of room.

Also the other issue with this particular house is that the guy wants waaaayyyyyy more than it's worth...as in, he's asking $142k, and it's probably only worth between $70k and $90k. So we'd have to do lots of fast talking to talk him down, if we could. There's work to be done on the house, some that would have to be completed before we could move in, it's in need of a GOOD cleaning, etc. So the value is definately an issue.

We've also found a house that we'd love to rent, and then possibly buy, however, it's going to snag in the fact that they want a credit check, and we won't pass it. We both have issues with our credit -- we're both willing to admit such. However, it's hard to get ahead when no one is willing to give you a chance, although I totally understand where they're coming from as well (they want to know that the rent will be paid, etc).

So we're kinda stuck. Not sure how we want to handle this, not sure what to do. I had hoped that we'd find a place before our (Nathan's) nephew got here for the summer, as he's a great kid and he loves to go to church with us, as well as the pool, and other fun stuff. I figure since I haven't found a job yet, I could entertain him -- however, not so easy to do here at my mom's. Plus I figured I could entertain him and munchkin at the same time, which would be nice, as they'd have a playmate and could enjoy themselves.

None of these things are life-threatening or even life changing really. They're all superficial in many ways, and I need to remember that. However, I also know that we need space to be on our own, and we need to figure out what we're going to do.

I'm kinda out of sorts at the moment, not sure where I want to go and what I want to do...any suggestions? feel free to comment me and let me know...

Job stuff -- Still haven't found anything. Have lots of applications out and hearing good things, but no solid leads. Waiting to hear from the school I REALLY REALLY want to teach at, and I'm hearing there might be another opening there as well, so it keeps sounding good. Pray for me -- that I can keep a sane and open mind, and that I remember that it's going to be God's will that is done -- NOT mine!

Prayer Requests -- Ms. B, Mr. D, and Little April Rose -- keep them in your prayers. B is still carrying April, after all this time, and she's still thriving (a MIRACLE)! B and D have lots of decisons to consider over the next few days, so please keep them in your prayers.

We've got VBS this next week, so I'm excited. I'm going to start decorating my room and getting my stuff together, so please pray that I don't lose my mind!

Nathan is going with his brother next weekend to pick up the nephew I referenced earlier. Sadly (or not) I will not be going with them, as it's a "brother weekend". So I'm stuck at home, hopefully packing or something :) Pray for their safety and my sanity while they're gone.

I think that's all I can really think of at the moment, but I'm sure if I think of something, I'll get back to ya! :)

Living Arrangements, etc...

Well, we've found a house that we're interested in buying. This is good news! However, we've still got hurdles to clear before we can actually get it. We don't really have the money for a downpayment at the moment (and the owner is wanting 10k as the downpayment). However, we are eligigble for the tax rebate credit of 8k, which can be filed as soon as we take possession of the house. So from here, I'm really not sure what we want to do. We like the house (although the house next door is bigger and under renovations, we want to check on it as well), but I'm worried about the size of it. I honestly think it's too small in terms of what we need/want in the long run, but it's a house, and we could move as soon as July by the looks of things.

Please pray for wisdom for us at the moment -- we REALLY need it :)

~Melissa~

Prayers

Ok, so I'm on a roll -- 3 blogs in 3 days! woo hoo!!! I wish I could say that this post was good news or whatever...but it's not...

I know there aren't that many of you that read my blog, but I'm begging for prayers...BEGGING!

Situation in the short form --

My mom is allowing her nephew (my cousin) to take part in illegal substances in her house. She has no regard that it could get ALL of us in trouble (me, Nathan, her, my cousin). She's like "I'm not there, so I don't care". This is so upsetting to me -- that we are all in danger of getting into trouble. I'm actually scared at the moment, b/c when she was told about it, she asked him about it, he said he wasn't doing anything wrong, and that we must have moved things to find it...huh?? it was over on the couch in the living room (where he's currently sleeping) and Nathan saw it when he went to turn the TV off that my cousin had left on.

We're not sure what to do from here -- we don't currently have the money to move out. We were shooting for a July move, b/c I've got residual money coming from my school loans for summer school, but I don't get it till then. So we were shooting for that, even though we were going to save the money for the future. Alas, I think it's more important that we get out. We have nowhere to turn -- nowhere to go. We're looking at a house on Friday (already had that scheduled) and we were going to ask him to wait till July so we could move. We need to move NOW, not in July. I have no idea where to turn for money so that we can. My dad is decently well off, but he has made it clear that he is not going to give us the other $2500 from our wedding (he allotted us 8k for the wedding, gave us $6500 for the wedding and our old house, so there is still $2500 left) until we are ready to BUY a house. We don't want to BUY anything b/c we don't know about job situations at the current moment. Nathan has several applications in NKY that he's waiting to hear about, and I'm still putting teaching apps in everywhere that I know of that needs teachers.

Does anyone know of anywhere that can help a couple get out of a bad situation? We moved in here to help my mom out and to save some money. We've done the first part, but not the second. But we need out for our own safety and sanity. I'm not sure how much we need -- I won't know that till Friday it seems (if this house goes through), or the weekend if we have to keep looking. The pastor that we need to talk to at church is out of the country till next week on mission, so we can't get in touch with him to ask for help (because I'm sure that they would help us if possible), and so many places are strapped right now, and I understand that. But I don't want to end up with a criminal record and lose my teaching career and Nathan's IT career b/c my cousin is screwing up his life. I want to make something of our lives.....

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

A Little Good News

I wish it was good news on the job front or baby front, but alas, it's good news, and I'm grateful for it.

I get to go to camp! :) Let me explain --

PMBC takes the children to CentriKids Camp each summer. Every other year it's held close to us (within an hour or so) and then alternating years it's held out of state (the one we attend anyway). This year is an out-of-state year, and I was looking forward to attending. I was informed in Jan. that too many moms had signed up to go with their children, so I wasn't going to be able to be a chaperone. However, Nathan was still going to get to go, because he was one of 2 male leaders. I was saddened, and even to some extent told Nathan that I didn't want him to go without me. He agreed to that, then I felt convicted due to the sermon series going on at the time (http://www.portermemorial.net/Sermons2009.htm Jan 18 and Feb 5). Dr. Henard was talking about the importance of a Godly marriage and how wives should be. I realize that 1 Peter 3 is a can of worms, but it wasn't about taking what Dr. Henard was saying literally. He spoke about how, as wives, if we're going to ask God to make our husband the spriritual leader in the home, we must let God do His work and get out of the way! We ask God to work, but then we want to do the work for Him. I took this sermon to heart. I spoke to several other Godly women about their opinions on the subject of camp (me staying, nathan going, both of us staying home, both of us going, etc) and the consensus was that I needed to let God be God and step back. I needed to say - "God, if you want me to go to camp, you will provide that way. In the mean time, I should not deprive Nathan of the opportunity to go and to grow with the kids (and for himself) just because I'm being selfish". I gave this over to God -- it's been hard, there's no question -- and I've had to continually tell God that I am ok with whatever occurs in terms of camp -- either going or not going. His will is going to be done, not mine, and I accept that. Today I got a phone call (one I was NOT expecting) that one of the female leaders had dropped out, and that I was the replacement, provided I still wanted to and am able to go! I nearly jumped out of my seat (which was hard, considering I was in the car!). I started crying in the car -- thanking God because he provided me the opportunity to go to camp with my kids from church (including the munchkin!) and Nathan.

At the same time, I know that it's going to create somewhat of a hardship on us -- depending on what's going on, but I know that God would not have placed this opportunity in front of me if He did not feel that there would be a way that I can go (in terms of life in general).

I start summer school that week (July 6-10), but I'm hoping for a laptop to be able to take with me (my dad has an extra, and I'm going to try and get it from him, since he said I could have it anyway).

All in all, I'm excited! I know God is working (this is just what I can "see") and I know He will continue to work in ways seen and unseen.

Just glad for some good news! :)

~Melissa~

I'm not sure what's going on....

The title pretty much sums it up -- I'm really not sure what's going on right now. Life is crazy -- there's no doubt about that, but I'm pretty much at peace with everything for the moment. I can't change any of the things that I don't know about, so I have to let them go.

As for what's going on --

I'm currently on CD 101, being 71 days late on my period. I've done several home pregnancy tests, and they all come out negative. I'm kinda clueless, because I've had symptoms that could be pregnancy related, and then I've not had some of the "tell tell" signs of pregnancy (uber sore breasts being the big one). I've have had the nausea (but haven't actually puked), the sensitivity to smells (peanut butter - yuck!), and a little bit of weight gain (not good for me, already being overweight). I just don't really know where to go from here. I'm going to try and make an appointment Tuesday to see the Dr, but I'd still like to know sooner rather than later. I'd be almost 12 weeks if I'm pregnant, and I hate that I've missed that if I am -- although I'll just be grateful for the pregnancy getting this far, so no complaints there. What's odd is that even though I've been talking about us TTC, we we're REALLY trying all that hard. It's kinda been one of those things that was on the back burner, knowing that it wasn't that conducive to TTC living with my mom and cousin, and it would be better once we were back out on our own, in our own place, where we could have the room for a baby, privacy, etc. I'm certainly going to be thrilled if we're pregnant, but I don't want to be judged based on the fact that we're currently living with my mom and don't really have anything in stone as to where we're going.

Job issues -- Nathan has applied for some jobs in Northern KY, and we're desperately hoping that one of them comes through. There are several teaching jobs up there that I'd qualify for, and that I'd enjoy taking. However, a teaching salary alone would not be enough for us to survive -- specially if I'm pregnant, because I may not get a teaching job, as I'd have to take maternity leave in Novemeber/December depening on my due date...It's all up in the air -- however, the jobs he's applied for would be awesome in terms of giving him more experience and a great chance of promotions to other jobs, possibly federal government jobs down the road. I'm looking for stuff here in Lexington still, and working on a job app that is somewhat promising (I've got to drop it off on Tuesday). But there is so much to do, so little time to do it, and it's all so fluid that I hate to do much, for fear that I do the wrong thing!

Living Arrangements -- we're looking for a place to live here in Lexington -- although I'm not sure that I want to keep looking in case we go to NKY. I don't want to get involved with a contract on a house/apt/townhouse etc and then have to back out because we're moving. I'm sort of content staying here until the job situations are a litte more concrete. I hate living at my mom's (I knew that before we moved back here, but we did it anyway), and I know we need to move, but at the same time, I want to save money instead of wasting it, and we'd be doing that if we move twice within 3 months or so.

So yeah -- things are very much up in the air, and I'm not sure where to go from here.

If you've got any advice, I'd LOVE it and be grateful for it! :)

Please pray for B, D, and Little April Rose :) B has surpassed her due date (something she never thought she'd do!) and is awaiting April's arrival with D. Shower her with love and prayers -- she needs them! Also, for Kayleigh's family as they are moving this week, and still dealing with losing sweet Kayleigh just 2 weeks ago.

Out for now --

~Melissa~

I'm Late, I'm Late, I'm Late...........

Ok - so I'm a REALLY bad blogger..I'm trying to get better, but it doesn't seem to be happening...

Much to update, much to do...Here I go...

I have got to take pictures of my Secret Angel Exchange gift swap that I did. Unfortunately, it's been crazy and I haven't had an opportunity. Will try to get this done ASAP.

Job info: Still working for the U.S. Census Bureau, but it's not going to last. Work is dwindling, and I'm probably on my last week or so, but it's been a good run. I have work for tomorrow, and probably Friday as well, so I'm grateful for that. I do have a line on a job with the city government here in Lexington, which would be nice, as it's like $20/hour plus benefits. I could live with that....

Teaching job info: As of now, I still don't have a teaching job for the fall. It's still early, but nothing's come up yet, and I'm not counting on it. I've got several jobs I want to apply for, but I'm not getting my hopes up. Please continue to pray for me, to see God's will in all of this. I would much rather have a teaching job, to start paying my loans off, but it's not an easy field to break right now, specially since I'm hearing that several teachers have been given pink slips b/c they are consolidating jobs at the moment.

Life in general: Life at my mom's is in a word - horrible - I'm glad we've got a roof over our heads, don't get me wrong, but my mom has become so hateful and so mean that I can't stand much more. She tells me everyday that she hopes I don't get pregnant, that if we do have kids they're going to be horrible and bratty, that she'll spank them if they misbehave, etc. It's so mean and hateful that I just can't stand it. She talks about how we "never" do "anything" around the house and that we just think of it as a motel - a place to sleep and take advantage of the facilities. It's just crazy. I'm not sure about where we're going to go though -- problem is that I'm not working full time and I'm going to have to be if we're going to afford another place. I'd love to move -- LOVE to move -- but Nathan's pretty dead set on NOT moving, so I'm thinking that's a no go, unless I get a teaching job outside of the local area.

TTC: We're in limbo at the moment. I'm on CD 107, and 67 days late on my period...However, the pregnancy test came back negative, so I'm going with not preggers at the moment. I've got to get to the Dr, that's all there is to it...I just hate that it takes FOREVER to get into my OB/GYN for a pap and check up...But he's one of the best and I've been with his practice since I was 18, so I'm not switching unless he retires or something..Plus he specializes in infertility, so yeah, I'm good.

Funny story: So I took the munchkin (little girl from church (well, not little, she's 10) ) to see the Hannah Montana Movie for her birthday. I throughly enjoyed the movie in all honesty, but that's not the point. The point is, we went to Babi.es R U.s after the movie to get the "Preggy Pops" for upset tummies (as mine seems to stay upset these days, and at the oddest times). I didn't want to make another drive to Hamburg to go back, so I just took her with me. So we go looking for them, and she asks why we're looking for them and why I'm buying them. Well, I didn't want to tell her everything, but yet I didn't want to lie to her, so I told her that I *might* be having a baby...She was thoughtful for a few moments, and then she responds to what I have said by saying "Well, have you TAKEN a pregnancy test"? I was so shocked by the question, I didn't honestly know how to respond. I didn't know how much she knew about the birds and the bees, and didn't want to open a can of worms, however, seemingly, it was already opened before I said anything! Alas, I did tell her tonight that as of now, there is no baby on the way, but I reminded her of what I told her at this time last year: Babies will come when babies come. I'm not totally in control of that, God is. I'm waiting on His timing (no matter how hard), and I'm learning patience in the midst of it all (something Nathan is grateful for!).

Something else of interest, that I'm going to post on later, we just passed our 1st wedding anniversary! We were married a year ago on May 17, 2008! I can't believe we've made it a year (with all we've been through), but that's another post entirely, and I will get to that sooner rather than later, I promise!

I think that's it for tonight -- Nathan is already in bed, and I need to be heading there myself. In the mean time, please say a prayer for those buttons on my sidebar -- specially for sweet April Rose (who's mamma is 40 weeks TODAY a milestone she never thought she'd reach!) and for sweet Kayleigh's family who had to say goodbye to her last week :(

Also, if you're reading my blog, comment so I know who you are and so I can update my blog rolls. I'm going to try to get better at this, so bear with me! :)

~Melissa~

Secret Angel Exchange!

I participated in Tarrah's Secret Angel Exchange! What a great thing to be a part of! I was Kelli's secret angel (luvbugkel on the nest) and then a different Kelli was my secret angel! This was so much fun! I enjoyed picking out an angel for Kelli, and I certainly enjoyed getting my angel package from the other Kelli! :)

I'll post pictures later, but I couldn't wait to share! :)

Here's to miracles and "Thinking Positive"! :)

Long time, no blog...

I'm guilty guilty guilty...I haven't blogged in forever, but I've been online. I'm going to make a quick update, and then head to bed, seeing as it's almost 1am EDT and I've got much to do on Wednesday 4/29.

Job front: I got a job! I'm working for the U.S. Census Bureau, and it's only temporary, but it's a job for now! I'm excited to be doing something at least, so no complaints from me. I'm still looking for a teaching job, but will discuss that more in a paragraph or two.

TTC: Not much really to report, except that we thought we were pregnant, but it turned up negative. I'm still late (Day 84) to be exact, so I'm still not totally sure what's going on. Hoping to make an appt to go see the Dr. and try to figure it out.

Living Situation: We've got to get out of my mom's house. She's almost fully recovered from surgery back in March and in June her court case will be dismissed. In the mean time, she's driving us crazy. There's no way around it. I've also had several epiphanies regarding her and my relationship with her, but still need to explore these more fully before trying to explain them. Needless to say, I'll figure it out, and when I do, I'll post about it more fully. Suffice to say, it's quite involved and I'm not sure how to address it as of yet. We're looking for a place to move, and hopefully I can continue working and making money, which will allow us to find a nice place to live and we can live comfortably.

Teaching jobs: Nothing to report yet, but I do have a MAJOR prayer request -- tomorrow (4/29) I'm meeting with the superintendent of a local school district. She is a friend of my mom's, but said previously that she would have helped me out with an opportunity last fall if she had had one available. I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket...ok well, maybe I am, but still....Please pray for me, that I see God's will be done in this, not mine. I would LOVE nothing more than for her to have a job opportunity for me, but I know that's only the case if it's God's will, not mine. I am praying for this and have been for almost a week now, since I found out about the meeting, but I'm terribly nervous and anxious to land a teaching job, even if it means we have to put off our family for a year or two while I manage my internship years and whatnot.

School: I can't really complain, but school didn't go as well as I would've liked this term. I've still got some time to try to get my last class finished up and finished up well, but time doesn't seem to be allowing for that. I've got to sit down and do some work this weekend, so please pray that I make the time to do so.

I think that's about it -- I may be missing something here or there, but those are the highlights.

Prayer Requests: See my sidebar buttons! These are the biggest prayer requests on my heart, but there are others as well! Pray for Stellan (www.mycharmingkids.net), pray for Abby (www.riggsfamilyblog.com), Pray for the Compassion India Team (see Angie Smith's blog at Bring the Rain on the sidebar), my best friend, Tiffany -- she doesn't know Christ, plus she's lost two dogs in a week, one of them being her service dog (Monk). Please pray for my job interview and that we can find a home for ourselves and our family (whenever that family may come along).

I'm gone to bed for now, but will try to update more often and certainly after my interview (although it will be a late one, because I have church right after I get done!).

~Melissa~

Where does the time go?

It seems like I can't keep up with things anymore! As we get into spring (warmer weather, yay!), it seems I get busier and busier, and I'm not even working! I'm still job hunting like crazy, trying to find anything to hold me over till I get a teaching job, but yet nothing is coming.

Living with my mom has got to come to an end...It's so hard to live here with her, and attempt to get along with her. I love my mom dearly, don't get me wrong, but we are too much alike and too different at the same time to really live together. I figured that out last year when I moved out. I've heard you can always come home..and while that's true, it's not true in every sense, and I don't really feel like this is home anymore. I haven't felt that way in a long time, but for now, I guess I just have to make the best of it.

Mom is through back surgery, doing well, and back to many of her previous activities. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks, she'll be back to normal and out of this recovery phase. She still has the incisions, although the staples are out and they are healing, they are itching her like crazy, and in the process, making her crazier! Alas, this is temporary, although we will have to go through it every two years to put in a new box with new batteries and new technology.

TTC isn't really happening right now -- we're not really in a place to try right now (read: my mom's!), and I don't think the metformin treatment is working -- as there have been no results from it. I won't do gory details (at least not right now!), but suffice to say I'm seeing no difference in anything at the moment. I'll make an appointment to head in and see the Dr. soon enough, and see what he thinks the next course of action should be. However, it's at this point we can really start trying for the 2010 baby we were aiming for, because 9 months from now will be Jan! :) also, it would be nice to know whether or not I'm teaching this fall, as I don't know what arrangements I would be able to have for maternity leave in my first year of teaching (not doing KTIP thankfully!).

I guess that's all for now -- I'm tyring to get a few things done and finished so that I can move on to more interesting things!

~Melissa~

Life....

Well, my mom's surgery went well...She's home and resting (I'm writing this a week after she had surgery). They put a new neurostimulator in her back, along with new lead wires and whatnot. They also checked her previous surgery location, checking on the rods and pins that area in place. All seems to be well -- I was/am still a bit pertrubed that her Dr. did not come out and consult with us after the surgery was over. I realize that she had 2 more surgeries to go, but we still would've liked to have heard from her the status and what went on. We got bare bones information from a nurse that was in surgery with the Dr.

I'm still looking for a job as well -- I just can't seem to land anything. I keep checking out good opportunities, but nothing seems to pan out.

Today isn't a good day in the land of the infertile...Every time I log into Facebook/Myspace/etc, someone else I know is pregnant or just had a baby. I am thrilled for them all, they wouldn't be on my friends lists if I didn't love and care about them all, but I don't know how much more I can take. It's also my own fault for being on the computer so much (that's what happens when I'm looking for jobs, working on homework, getting ready for class, etc). I'm thrilled for my friends, I really am, but at the same time, I sad for me/us :(

Anyone have any ideas on how to get over the pain and sadness that comes with being infertile?

I think I'm done...I had more to blog about, but I'm just not up to it.........

Post Valentine's Day Post...

So we've made it through another set of holidays. My birthday was the 13th and Valentine's on the 14th. All went well. I still have BEAUTIFUL flowers from Vday that I am absolutely in love with! :) Nathan did an excellent job in picking them out and even got some for my mom. It went a long way with her, but mine are prettier! :)

Birthday went well - just glad it's over! I love being spoiled and having fun -- but I'm always glad to get it over and done with.

We're back to church and back on schedule, which is awesome! I really missed my kids at church, and its amazing to me how just one week back, I feel SO much better.

My mom's surgery on her back is scheduled for March 2. She'll be kept overnight -- but I'm worried about it because they may have to reconnect some of the wires that have wiggled loose -- this is risky because it could leave her paralyzed if not careful. I know her neurosurgeon is one of the best in the state, but it doesn't help me worry any less. I'm still debating if I should let one of our pastors know so that they can join us at the hospital that morning. I'm tempted to, but not sure if she'll have a cow or not (she's religious, but doesn't like our church because it's too modern and technologicaly advanced).

Nathan got Legos and Jeff Dunham tickets for Valentine's Day. I kinda spoiled him -- moreso that normal, but oh well. I love him dearly, and wanted to show it with material things since we actually had the extra money.

I got what I wanted for birthday and for Valentine's Day. I wanted my flowers and the new Taylor Swift CD. I got both. Plus the last season of Full House on DVD and a computer game (Wedding Dash), which I've already beat :)

I have to go take care of the horses today -- we're supposed to get some nasty weather, and I'd rather do it now than in the nastiness :)

Out for now -- will be back soon with an update on our TTCing :)

Hi/Lo Thursday

Ok, so my goal on my blog isn't just to do the theme of the day, but alas, I'm going right along with them :)

Today is Hi/Lo Thursday

Hi: I got birthday money from my dad -- it's a tough economy and any money is helpful, but the fact that the amount my dad sent was more than normal, and he just bought a new house, I'm quite grateful. Also, my mom brough the poodles back home (after she said she was giving them to her best friend). All of these things make me very happy!

Lo: Knowing that the beautiful weather we've been having is about to end...Superficial yes, but at least things are going well enough that I don't have a major "Lo"!

So now it's your turn! Click the Hi/Lo button and participate yourself!

This post is part of "Hi/Lo Thursday" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to read everyone else's "Hi/Lo" posts and for a chance to win $100.

A Dog's Life

Well, the past week has been dedicated to taking care of Reese, Nathan's dog. Reese had a large (and I say large in a sarcastic way to mean HUGE) hematoma on his neck last week (Sunday-Monday). I spent most of Monday attempting to get in touch with my vet, to no avail. I did get in touch with Tiffany's (my best friend) vet, and they were able to work him in, and give me a discounted rate. Even with that discount, the amount was still $161.10 to drain the hematoma, give him antibiotics, put him under, office visit, etc. He had drain tubes till Friday, but the hematoma has reformed. So it's back to the vet for us today. Not sure what the cost will be today, but hopefully not as expensive. I'm concerned -- I'm not sure what's caused this, and I just want Reese to feel better. We'll just have to see. I'm sure it's nothing, but I'm still concerned. If you could pray that Reese is ok and we can get through this without a large effect on our wallet.

In the mean time, I know that there are others with bigger issues than ours -- several families have lost their little ones this week -- please pray for them. The links to their blogs are as follows:

Baby Cora Paige -- http://www.themcclenahans.blogspot.com/
Baby Gracie -- http://thebenjamites.blogspot.com/
Baby Dec -- http://www.statmedical.co.za/all-hands-on-dec/updates.asp

Also, Abby (http://www.riggsfamilyblog.com/) needs our prayers too. She's a fighter, but having a hard time at the moment.

As I said before, I know that there are families that have bigger issues, and have lost so much more than we have, and I know they need prayer. It's my prayer that these families will see the love of God, even through their pain, and know that God is with them, through it all.

~Melissa~

TTC

I said I'd post about our journey to having a baby, so here it is..This is just the beginning -- we are by no means finished, and we are willing to accept medical assistance if we need to...But this is our story...

Going back to when I was in high school, I had an ovarian cyst that was attempting to wrap its way around one of my fallopian tubes. Fortunately, I had a great OB/Gyn who caught it, and wanted to remove it right away. That was done 10 years ago this year -- March of '99. After that, I went through several different prescriptions of birth control pills -- prescribed to me to lessen the effects of the extreme PMS that I suffer. The added effect of pregnancy prevention was just an added perk, since I wasn't involved with anyone sexually at that time. After 2 years of pills, a new shot came out, called Lunelle. I jumped on it -- it was a once a month birth control shot that would supposedly help me better than the pills! I was estatic! It certainly lived up to its name -- I went on it right after it came out, and stayed on it until it was pulled from circulation due to several women becoming pregnant while on it. With a 99% accuracy claim, too many women got pregnant and Phizer had to pull it. After that, my Dr. decided that Depo-provera would be the best option for me, as it would allow me the same benefits as I had experienced on Lunelle, but with a greater time period between shots -- every 3 months. I was good with that -- I didn't do any research on it -- I thought all was well.

Fast forward to 2006...By this point, my OB/Gyn decided to retire in 2005, and I am now going to see a different Dr. in the same practice -- which I was ok with. At this point, I looked at it in terms that I'd rather be with a Dr. that is going to be around to deliver babies and take care of me for many years to come. I went to see my new Dr. for the first time, and after talking to him, collectively we decided that it would be best if I came off the Depo-Provera, as it was only meant to be taken for 2-2.5 years consecutively. I had been on it since 2002. This was a big issue, only we didn't know it at the time.

When Nathan and I met in 2007 (we had met prior to that, but when we first went out together), we knew soon after that we would get married. At this point, I was quite glad that I had made the decision to come off the Depo, because I figured at that point, it would allow for the 12-18 months that is the time frame for regaining fertility after being on Depo, and we could plan for a honeymoon baby. Which brings us to where we are now...We are now almost 3 years (in May) of being off the Depo. After discussions with my OB/Gyn, he prescribed me Provera in an attempt to regulate my cycles and for me to begin ovulating again. He encouraged us to get a fertility monitor to attempt to monitor what's going on with my body. We've done all of these things. We've thought we had it fixed, only to find out the next month that we were wrong. We suffered a miscarriage in July (July 9th to be exact), for unknown reasons. I recovered well from it, as I was only 5 to 6 weeks along. Currently, the Dr. has us trying the Metformin treatment, in hopes that it will solve the problems we are having. I'm not totally sure it will work, but I also know that this is all in God's hands. God is in control of our babies -- this much we know. However, I'm not known for my patience! As a matter of fact, I'm known for my impatience. I hate waiting for anything!

The way I'm looking at this at the moment is this: God will know when we are TRULY ready for Him to bless us with our first baby -- His timing will prevail and it will be PERFECT! I have to hold on to that truth -- God's timing is ALWAYS perfect, whether or not I have the patience to see it that way sometimes! I may not be a patient person when it comes to what I want, but for some reason, I have an incredible patience with kids (just ask my AWANA and VBS kids)!

Life is good -- Not always what I want, but God is in control either way!

We are beginning a new cycle -- I'm praying that this one is it, but either way, I know God will bring us through it! I've got several things on my mind right now -- some jobs to apply for, things to get done, etc, so hopefully I won't dwell on it too much! I know that we are just starting this journey of TTCing, but I look forward to blogging about it, and then hopefully celebrating with those that are experiencing the same highs and lows that we are (although I wouldn't wish this journey on anyone)!

Blessings!

Melissa :)

Blog Update!

I've updated the Blog somewhat, trying to get all the blogs that we (I!) follow faithfully...Nathan does follow them, and we have discussions about many of you who are listed in the sidebar as "Blogs We Follow" but he generally gets his updates from me -- as he's not in front of the computer as much as he used to be :)

Alas, I think it's up to date and I'm much happier with it! I would love to have a layout that would allow me to have gadgets on both sides, but I'll live for now :)

Enjoy the new layout, and I'm going to do better blogging, I PROMISE! :)

Happy New Year!

Ok, so I haven't been very good about updating the blog -- I need to get better at this! It's a new years resolution, but don't hold me to it :).

As for the updates, I guess it's that time -- I'll do my best to keep it concise and complete...

I can now somewhat talk about the situation going on with my mom. I can't tell everything, but I can at least talk about it.

Basically, back in October, my mom took too much medicine. She didn't overdose, but she did take two doses to close together. This caused her to become "loopy" (her words) and she doesn't remember a whole lot from that day. She remembers going to my grandmother's (her mom's) and she remembers going to Kmart and most everything after. Everything before is a blur. While at Kmart, a former friend came in to talk to her, after she had already told him that she'd call him and meet him at her house when she was done at Kmart. Well he didn't listen. He went to Kmart anyways, pestering her, and she got quite distracted. At this point, this is the major breakdown of what happened. She was in line to complete a return, she did that, was given a gift card and a reciept. This "friend" asked her if he could take her basket to the car (in an effort to hurry her up), and she told him no -- she hadn't paid yet. She did ask him to go back to the electroincs counter and pay for a CD she wanted (Brook's and Dunn's Greatest Hits, I do believe), and that she'd pay for her basket and then she'd be done. Well, he wouldn't go back and get the CD, and she got frustrated, and with her checkbook and debit card in hand, walked out of Kmart with her basket, without paying. There was no intent to steal anything -- if anything, that should have been obvious with the fact that her checkbook and debit card were both out. She got stopped when she got to her car (not too far from the door), and when asked to produce a reciept, she thought she had it, handed the one from the return to the guy, and thought all was fine. Turns out, it was fine. The first security guard was going to have her go back in, pay, and be done with it. The second, decided no, she was doing this on purpose and she was going to be arrested. They called the cops and she was arrested and sent to jail (since that's usually what happens when you go to jail).

All in all, this has been a long journey. However, I'm thrilled to say that the journey is almost to a close. After speaking with the County Attorney, the charges will be dismissed, we are waiting on a court date. My mom does have to complete some community service hours, as the CA doesn't want her to think that this wasn't serious -- but that's all. He believes, after seeing the evidence from her Dr. that the medicine levels were appropriate and within range for what she has been prescribed. We are all extremely grateful to the CA here, along with her attorney, that this is going to be taken care of and dismissed.

As a sidenote -- what really bothered me about this entire situation wasn't that my mom was arrested -- that's happened before -- the previous DUI's that she committed back in the mid 90s, it's the way this occurred and the person who had her arrested. I may sound bitter and angry, and in many ways, I still am. The second security guard who said she had intent to steal and did this on purpose was a man she had helped previously when she was on the police department. Helping him is when she initially was injured on the job. She slipped and fell while chasing 2 shoplifters through the Kmart parking lot in 1984, after being asked by this individual to help him with a shoplifiting problem. So, she helped him, she was injured, Kmart was never held responsible for any of her injuries, yet this same man has her arrested, when there was no concealing of any merchandise, no intent shown -- just did it. Then claims to me (after telling me that my mother is a drug addict who needs to be in rehab and is also in dire need to psychological help) that he cried in his office because he HAD to arrest her. Well, I don't believe any of what he had to say -- as I was once a security guard, and I remember using my best judgement to determine how to handle someone that was a shoplifting suspect. I can tell you, I never had anyone arrested just because the accidently pushed their entire basket out without paying, with a checkbook and debit/credit card in hand. But then again, I'm a much more compassionate person than most, so I guess that I don't count.

Anyway, that's been the majority of what's been going on here. Christmas is the next topic to cover...

Christmas was good -- we had a good Christmas, split the actual day between my mom and Nathan's parents. We then spent the following day with my dad and stepfamily. I really enjoyed Christmas this year with the stepfamily, more so than last year. I feel like we're much more like a family now than before, and for that, I'm grateful. I'm also grateful that we're not the only ones without kids. My stepsister and one of my stepbrothers don't have kids, so we weren't alone. Although, I think if my stepsister had her way, they would have kids -- however, her health will not allow them to have kids -- and possibly it won't even allow them to adopt, as she could decline rapidly at any time. She has MS -- but it is deterioating at a speed that I haven't seen with anyone else that I've known to have MS. She spent 3 months practically living in the dark because of her optical nerve. She had to quit her job as a successful attorney because she couldn't go out of the house for work, nor could she spend more than 10 to 15 minutes in front of the computer without being in severe pain because of the opitcal nerve.

New Years was pretty uneventful. We went to James' house for a "party", that was basically just us, James, and two other people. James' mom was there as well, and even poured champagne for all at midnight -- I didn't partake -- alcohol is not really my favorite thing in the whole world, plus, with TTC, I don't need to be partaking in it at all....

Yes you read that right -- we are TTC (trying to concieve)! We're both REALLY excited, but know that this is going to be a long process. I'll detail more in another post, but it's a great way to start 2009. We're hoping for a 2010 Baby, no matter the gender. We'll be happy with a healthy baby, whatever it comes out to be, but know that complications and issues are likely to arise and we must be ready to deal with them.

On the job front, I didn't get the job that I was so desperately wanting -- but that's ok. I'm sure that's because God has something much better coming for me, even if I hate not having a job. The worst part of not having a job for me is not having the option to shop when I'd like. That sounds shallow, but an example is that while Nathan and I were at the mall over the weekend (spending my Build-a-Bear giftcard that his parents gave me for Christmas), I went in Bath and Body Works, and would have loved to have spent about $20 on stuff that while I didn't NEED it, I most definately WANTED it! If I had been working, we would have had the extra money that I could've spent, but as of now, all of our money goes into bills and savings, so that we have a cushion to fall back on, and that's important. Anyway, I'm waiting to hear from the company that hired Nathan, they have several positions getting ready to open up, and hopefully, I'll get to take one of them.

I think that's really it -- life in general is good. Living with my mom isn't easy, but I know right now it's the right thing. Not sure when she'll be ok to be on her own, but when that time comes, we'll find another place. Right now, she needs more help than I can give her from a different household, and being an only child, I must do what I have to do, all while being a good wife, and hopefully soon, a good mom :)

I'm out for now -- must go feed the horses and go with my grandmother to lunch. I'll hopefully post tomorrow about our struggles with TTC.

~Melissa~

Updates and the like....

Well -- I'm a little behind, but getting there. Several things going on (well, more than several, but several will do!).

First of all (probably the most involved thing) is that we are moving into my mom's for a bit. This will allow us to save some money, but it will also allow me to keep tabs on what's going with my mom, health wise.

Secondly, I got a "full time" job, but it only lasts for like 3 weeks, and I'm totally not sure if it's worth it or not. I'll be working at Toys R Us for the next 3 weeks as a cashier. However, since it's such a short amount of time, I'm not totally sure that it was even worth it to take the job in the first place, but oh well.

I applied for several more jobs, and interviewed for one of them, and felt REALLY good about it, however, I haven't heard anything more from them, and they said they'd make a decision early this week (well that would've been Monday or Tuesday, and it's almost Wednesday!). They said they would contact everyone regardless of whether they deicded to hire them or not, but alas, nothing yet.

Thirdly, we have family Christmas party on Dec. 13, and somehow, I'm dreading this. It all goes back to the issue from October (which hopefully I will get to blog about next week), but I'm dreading this crap. Too much drama with my family and I can't stand it!

Fourth, I think I get to coach my own Upward Basketball team this winter (starting in Jan!). I can't wait! I think I'm coaching 2nd/3rd girls and I couldn't be more excited! So much to do with these kids and I hope I can make a difference in their lives and in the lives of their family.

Fifth -- I start FAITH in Feb with PMBC! I can't wait to take part in FAITH -- it's something I've been wanting to do for awhile, but haven't had the time to do it on Monday nights. I've arranged my school schedule so that it won't interfere with FAITH, so I'm happy! I can't wait to see God work in the lives of those I get to visit!

I guess that's all the big news....I still have baby fever -- it doesn't seem to be going away....anyone have any ideas? It seems like everytime I log into facebook, myspace, livejournal, etc, someone else is pregnant (and it's not me!). We're not really trying though, so I can't complain too much -- we just don't really have the resources right now, plus a decision I made from about 2002 until 2006 may prevent us from getting pregnant easily. This saddens me, but I know that I made the decision and now I have to live with whatever the consequences are. Simply, I took Depo-Provera way too long. I should have only stayed on it for 2 - 2.5 years, but stayed on it nearly 4. Not a good idea...Alas, what's done is done.

But yeah, that's it...Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving -- we had a good one -- went to Nathan's parents and ate there. We'll eventually do "Thanksgiving" with my mom, once she's feeling better.

Bedtime for now......